Horoscopes have no scientific basis. They're printed here solely for your entertainment and amusement. But don't tell Horace.
Libra Sept 23 - Oct 22: Libra: Be careful what you wish for at this time because you will probably get it much to your dismay. Remember the guy who wanted more than anything to be famous and be on TV? He got his wish. He ended up on a local TV station on a show about johns who get busted more than three times for prostitute solicitation.
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21: You're happier than ever before in your life. You laugh at your bills and ills, you shrug off in-laws sniping, you dance through your work, you smirk at adversity. You laugh, laugh, and laugh until you're diagnosed as manic-depressive.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21: This is the month all your Zen meditations prepared you for. The ultimate truth from high on the mountain. Calm yourself. Breath deeply in from your toes out the top of your head: Life is well ... like a stream near a golden mountain meadow full of ... dirty dishes.
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19: Call 911; check your pulse; look in the mirror. You've either died or are under an unusual eclipse -- the stars have no horoscope for you this month! Yikes!
Aquarius Jan. 20 - Feb. 18: You spent tens of thousands of dollars in the seventies for psychotherapy to unkink all your kinks. But a harsher reality confronts you this month: Freud got it wrong as usual--neuroses doesn't breed creativity; creativity breeds neuroses.
Pisces Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 You'll suffer terrible nightmares. In one you almost drown when your cruise ship sinks. In another, your lover comes out of the closet and plays an extra on ELLEN. My advice is to stay away from movies and shut off the TV.